Friday, June 25, 2004
Judge, Defendant and Prosecutor
I am once again waiting, but this time I know approximately when the surgery will be done and tentatively what will be done. My surgeon is hoping to only remove the stem of the prosthesis. It should come out quite easily since it did not properly bond with the bone in the first place. Hopefully, the cup will not have to be replaced. I asked about the chances of another fracture: he believes they are low because he will go in through a very long incision--the classic technique.
So what now? Clearly, I feel much better knowing that something can and will be done. However, my job (should I choose to accept it) is to come to terms with my psychological state, to whit, my feeling that disaster is once again in the cards. Actually, I'm not sure that I feel the overwhelming sense of dread I felt the first time around.
But now that I am in a relatively calm state, it is time to peek once again under the bed where the monsters lurk in order to hopefully smoke them out.
Why the title, "Judge, Defendant and Prosecutor"? It comes from a discussion I had with my therapist today. I think it is extremely relevant. I am the defendant, envelopped in fear. The prosecutor is the past, replete with damning evidence that seems to point inexorably toward disaster in the future. The judge is the rational, adult me who has to weigh the arguments.
I just realized, there is one person missing from this equation. Where is defense counsel? Who is defending me? Perhaps I must find a fourth person.
So what now? Clearly, I feel much better knowing that something can and will be done. However, my job (should I choose to accept it) is to come to terms with my psychological state, to whit, my feeling that disaster is once again in the cards. Actually, I'm not sure that I feel the overwhelming sense of dread I felt the first time around.
But now that I am in a relatively calm state, it is time to peek once again under the bed where the monsters lurk in order to hopefully smoke them out.
Why the title, "Judge, Defendant and Prosecutor"? It comes from a discussion I had with my therapist today. I think it is extremely relevant. I am the defendant, envelopped in fear. The prosecutor is the past, replete with damning evidence that seems to point inexorably toward disaster in the future. The judge is the rational, adult me who has to weigh the arguments.
I just realized, there is one person missing from this equation. Where is defense counsel? Who is defending me? Perhaps I must find a fourth person.
