Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Don't Worry, Be Happy
"People mean well and do not see how distancing insistent cheeriness is,how it denies another's reality, denies a sick person the space or right to be sick and in pain."
Marilyn French
I ran across this quote in our local newspaper and found it so insightful and, dare I say, refreshing, that I copied it out and taped it to the wall in my office.
There is nothing that puts me in a worse mood than being told to stick a goofy grin on my face, buck up and THINK POSITIVE. I've come to the conclusion that being a Gemini means there are two warring people within me: one is the New Ager who believes in the strong link between mind and body, pain and emotions, etc. and the other one who is a cynic to the core and considers all this positive thinking to be merely a way for those who fear suffering to politely distance themselves from the sufferer. I know. I did it myself with my mother.
My mother's suffering went beyond her extremely debilitating arthritis. She also had a condition called tinnitis--a ringing in the ear. It would drive her mad. Her face would crumple into a mass of suffering. It was the tinnitus, much more than the arthritis, that truly crushed her spirit. What could I do? I remember thinking she needed to read books of jokes and see funny movies to take her mind off the physical suffering she endured. That was the only solution I could see. Needless to say, it didn't work.
Then there's another spin on positivity: "il faut prendre son mal en patience", you must bear your suffering with patience (read: graciously). Be a real woman and suffer in silence. Men make a fuss when they suffer and they get a response. Women suffer quietly, smile, do the laundry, tend to the kids and try to downplay what's going on 'til they finally can't get out of bed anymore--and even then.
Oh yes, and then there's the "I'm suffering much more than you and I'M POSITIVE, I thank the Lord every day for the blue skies and the pretty flowers." Well, I'm glad that's the way you feel. I ask the Lord every day, "Why me? What great sin did I commit to deserve this crap?
Marilyn French
I ran across this quote in our local newspaper and found it so insightful and, dare I say, refreshing, that I copied it out and taped it to the wall in my office.
There is nothing that puts me in a worse mood than being told to stick a goofy grin on my face, buck up and THINK POSITIVE. I've come to the conclusion that being a Gemini means there are two warring people within me: one is the New Ager who believes in the strong link between mind and body, pain and emotions, etc. and the other one who is a cynic to the core and considers all this positive thinking to be merely a way for those who fear suffering to politely distance themselves from the sufferer. I know. I did it myself with my mother.
My mother's suffering went beyond her extremely debilitating arthritis. She also had a condition called tinnitis--a ringing in the ear. It would drive her mad. Her face would crumple into a mass of suffering. It was the tinnitus, much more than the arthritis, that truly crushed her spirit. What could I do? I remember thinking she needed to read books of jokes and see funny movies to take her mind off the physical suffering she endured. That was the only solution I could see. Needless to say, it didn't work.
Then there's another spin on positivity: "il faut prendre son mal en patience", you must bear your suffering with patience (read: graciously). Be a real woman and suffer in silence. Men make a fuss when they suffer and they get a response. Women suffer quietly, smile, do the laundry, tend to the kids and try to downplay what's going on 'til they finally can't get out of bed anymore--and even then.
Oh yes, and then there's the "I'm suffering much more than you and I'M POSITIVE, I thank the Lord every day for the blue skies and the pretty flowers." Well, I'm glad that's the way you feel. I ask the Lord every day, "Why me? What great sin did I commit to deserve this crap?
